Book And Daily Practice

For the book we have to read in STAC, I decided to read Nightmares and Human Conflict by John. E. Mack, M.D. The book tells a lot about how fear can affect someone's life and it has realy affected me. One of the quotes in the book that has really affected me so far is "Hadfield includes bodily sensations such as palpation, sweating, and suffocation, but regards these simply as the natural accompaniments of intense fear." and it tells about some aspects of nightmares. Although I may not have these during nightmares, I get these sensations when I am frightened. In class, when we are presenting projects and such, I get a feeling of being unable to speak. My throat becomes tight and cold, and I get a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I have known for a long time that this is caused by fear but it is still reassuring to know that it is not only me that this happens to. I have only gotten through the first chapter of the book and I have realized that this book is perfect for me, although I have to read sections several times to understand what he is trying to say. It has helped me to understand some of my problems, and I think I may be able to resolve some of them.

The daily practiced that I started out with was not a success at all. I had decided to write a short story every day, which is not easy at all. I had managed to get through two days before I had completely given up. It took me around a week to choose another practice and I had decided to write a poem everyday. I chose this because I have never been too good at poems and I thought that this was the perfect opprotunity to become better at them. It is a bit challenging for me, but it's begining to become easier. I am already a week into my second practice and I am running strong so far.

Daily Practice Blog

So here I am. www.bipolarwritingdisorder.blogspot.com Come read my short stories, although I haven't posted any yet.

Daily Practice.

Well, I have decided for my daily practice to write a short story ever night. I am a little bit behind everyone, but I'm getting into it. I bought myself a notebook so that I can write where ever I am. I'm gonna go write now. I've seen that Doug is starting a new blog for his daily practice. I think I may too...

Artist Statement

Well, I read through some other artist statements and I got even more confused about how to write it, since they are all so different. But I managed to get one done anyway, writing what I thought should go into it. I feel that it goes a bit off topic in some places though.

I actually started to cry while writing this. I'm not sure why though. I just felt an over whelming sense of sadness that I cannot explain. Any way here it is. Please don't mind the mistakes. It's hard to write while crying.


In my life, I have never have been to a art or writing class that was outside of school and I learned how to sing all by myself, teaching myself by ear. So then why do I do it even though I know there may be things that I do wrong? I use art as a way to escape from my problems, although there are times where it may lead me to more. But I love the challenge. Being able to work out my problems through art is what I live for, it helps me to feel complete.
What I have seen come up in my art over the past few years has a lot to do with a sense of freedom and expression. I love to incorporate the ability to fly, although I am afraid of heights. But I think that is why I incorporate these things. It is me wanting to get rid of my fears, trying to break through the cage that has locked me inside of myself.
Art came into my life when I was in fifth grade. I had just moved to a new school for the fourth time, and being the newbie, I had no where to turn. I felt like I had walked into a new world and I was an alien. So, instead of attempting to make new friends, I turned to something else. It was in my art class that we had twice a week where I discovered my passion. I love working on the projects while the rest of the students complained. It made up for the fact that I was alone. And I think it showed through my work. Looking back, I realize how important art was for me at this point in my life. And it is still important for me now, being in a new place again. I have been here for three years already, but I still feel like an alien.
I think what I want from my art, more than anything, is a sense that "This is me and if you don't like it, tough." I am who I am, and I'll do what I do. And nothing can stop me except for myself, which will never happen. Because if I don't have art, I have no where else to turn to.

Ok, I get it.

Yeah, so my last two post were not very good, probably because I was looking it the wrong way. At do-over, the one thing that I remember most of all is that I told myself that I wouldn't hide who I really am. I really think that I was able to do somewhat of a good job at that. Socially, I began to put myself out more, although I know I still put myself down at times. But then again, it feels natural for me to do that. I also feel that I learned a lot about myself. I'm not as weak as i used to be. I'm trying harder at things.

I also learned a lot of things art wise. I've learned how to shape out my style in art and writing. I'm even starting to realize what is important to me. I feel as if I am actually able to hear my voice in my work. And I'm really proud of that.

I feel as if I have done well for myself ever since do-over. I've learned so much that is useful to me, and i know that I can apply it to my work and to my life. And from here on I really want to try harder at the things that I love, because I know that no matter what, I can do whatever I want if I try.