Workshop 5

I forgot what day that was... Woops. Anyway...

I got a lot done on Friday. I managed to paint all of the pages, just a little differently than I had hoped. I realized that if I painted the entire page, the page would not be strong enough to hold the string. But then I realized what the japanese stitch would look like... It made me feel a bit dense. I could have colored the entire page if I had known that the binding would not go through the way I thought it would. I'm going to keep it this way though, so I can move forward with the project.

I still have to practice the Japanese stitch. I haven't got the chance to do it yet, but I plan on working on it tomorrow so I can be ready by Wednesday.

I'm also planning on stealing a few beads from my sister for the cover. To add a little bit of a third dimension to it. I just got to wait for her to go to bed tonight. Muahaha...

Pennsylvania

Well, my mother just bought a trailer recently in Pennsylvania and she says we're moving at the end of August. I hate it so much right now, and I know hate is a strong word, but it's the exact word for me to use right now. I love it here and nothing can change that.

I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I have no choice.

Rob Workshop

This workshop was actually really fun. Rob was really fun to work with and he was really cool. It was a great experience.

Rob had us write out a secret of ours onto a piece of paper. I'm not going to write it here though, because it is very personal. It really had me thinking about things that I keep from people. He then had us go out around the community center and take pictures of things that showed our secrets. He said that it didn't have to be literal, but metaphorical. I had an idea in mind as soon as he said that, but I found a lot more things that I thought would work. It's going to be so hard to choose just one picture.
we then had to take a waist up shot of ourselves against a white background, showing us thinking about our secret. This was really hard for me to do, but I'm not sure why. But I managed to get it done and I'm proud of the pictures I got.
We were the last group to finish and we ended up leaving a little late, but it was worth it.

Workshop 4 April 23

This workshop left me with a lot to think about for my book. I thought I had thought through all of the small details but it seems that there is so much more that I need to look over. I'm basing my entire book off of a handmedown shirt I have that is getting a little too small for me. I really liked the colors so I chose to use it.

Karl wanted me to look for things that I could use for my book. I found some beads that I could use. But that's it.

I decided to paint each page of the book. I don't think I realize right now how long that will take, but I think it's a good idea and I'm going to do it anyway, no matter how long it takes.

Workshop 3 April 22

We finished our first books! I'mmreally proud of how mine truned out. Despite the fact that the spine of my book bent while it was drying, it still worked out. I thought it would be harder to bind a book together, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It's actually really simple once you understand it.

But now I'm at the hard part. I still haven't figured out the type of book I want to do for my individual project. Time to think.

Workshop 2 April 16

It was so hard doing this workshop and not speaking but it was still really fun. I'm really glad that I didn't mess up the cardboard. Using the box cutter took me forever. Lizy and I worked together on the book covering since I couldn't use the piece on my own.

I'm a bit sad though. The spine of my book didn't dry straight, so it's a little off. But it's something to work on for next time.

Independent Project

I've known from the beginning what I have wanted to do. It came to me a while ago. I want to do a painting of the still-life while not wearing my glasses. I want it to represent what I naturally see. This week I plan on doing a sketch of the area I want to paint and then start painting it.

Workshop 1 April 14

I have never thought that making a book would be as much fun as this was. I didn't realize how easy it could be until I actually had the chance. For the first day, it seems like we were really able to do a lot. We cut the paper and made the signatures and then we sewed them together. Lucky for me, I managed not to get any blood on the pages. And the string wouldn't go through mine, so it took me twice as long to finish.

Nonetheless, I had a great time. Carl is really nice and he makes this really fun and easy to do and remember. This is something that I really think I will end up using in the future. I can't wait for Friday!

Book Reports

I was so not prepared for this. Before I went up I thought that I had everything planned out in my head, but everything slipped my mind when I heard my name called. Not to mention that I was a nervous wreck. I should have taken notes, I should have practiced, but I really didn't. And I feel stupid for not doing so. But next time, I'll know better at least.

Decaying...

I have neglected this blog for so long, it feels like forever. I need to get myself back into things.

Lately, I have felt so tired. It's been about a month now that I've gotten up, gone to school, came back home and fell asleep. I know that when you're a teenager, you're supposed to sleep a lot to help you grow but this is just ridiculous. I go to bed at a normal time for the most part and I still can't keep up with everything. I don't understand this at all.

Book And Daily Practice

For the book we have to read in STAC, I decided to read Nightmares and Human Conflict by John. E. Mack, M.D. The book tells a lot about how fear can affect someone's life and it has realy affected me. One of the quotes in the book that has really affected me so far is "Hadfield includes bodily sensations such as palpation, sweating, and suffocation, but regards these simply as the natural accompaniments of intense fear." and it tells about some aspects of nightmares. Although I may not have these during nightmares, I get these sensations when I am frightened. In class, when we are presenting projects and such, I get a feeling of being unable to speak. My throat becomes tight and cold, and I get a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I have known for a long time that this is caused by fear but it is still reassuring to know that it is not only me that this happens to. I have only gotten through the first chapter of the book and I have realized that this book is perfect for me, although I have to read sections several times to understand what he is trying to say. It has helped me to understand some of my problems, and I think I may be able to resolve some of them.

The daily practiced that I started out with was not a success at all. I had decided to write a short story every day, which is not easy at all. I had managed to get through two days before I had completely given up. It took me around a week to choose another practice and I had decided to write a poem everyday. I chose this because I have never been too good at poems and I thought that this was the perfect opprotunity to become better at them. It is a bit challenging for me, but it's begining to become easier. I am already a week into my second practice and I am running strong so far.

Daily Practice Blog

So here I am. www.bipolarwritingdisorder.blogspot.com Come read my short stories, although I haven't posted any yet.

Daily Practice.

Well, I have decided for my daily practice to write a short story ever night. I am a little bit behind everyone, but I'm getting into it. I bought myself a notebook so that I can write where ever I am. I'm gonna go write now. I've seen that Doug is starting a new blog for his daily practice. I think I may too...

Artist Statement

Well, I read through some other artist statements and I got even more confused about how to write it, since they are all so different. But I managed to get one done anyway, writing what I thought should go into it. I feel that it goes a bit off topic in some places though.

I actually started to cry while writing this. I'm not sure why though. I just felt an over whelming sense of sadness that I cannot explain. Any way here it is. Please don't mind the mistakes. It's hard to write while crying.


In my life, I have never have been to a art or writing class that was outside of school and I learned how to sing all by myself, teaching myself by ear. So then why do I do it even though I know there may be things that I do wrong? I use art as a way to escape from my problems, although there are times where it may lead me to more. But I love the challenge. Being able to work out my problems through art is what I live for, it helps me to feel complete.
What I have seen come up in my art over the past few years has a lot to do with a sense of freedom and expression. I love to incorporate the ability to fly, although I am afraid of heights. But I think that is why I incorporate these things. It is me wanting to get rid of my fears, trying to break through the cage that has locked me inside of myself.
Art came into my life when I was in fifth grade. I had just moved to a new school for the fourth time, and being the newbie, I had no where to turn. I felt like I had walked into a new world and I was an alien. So, instead of attempting to make new friends, I turned to something else. It was in my art class that we had twice a week where I discovered my passion. I love working on the projects while the rest of the students complained. It made up for the fact that I was alone. And I think it showed through my work. Looking back, I realize how important art was for me at this point in my life. And it is still important for me now, being in a new place again. I have been here for three years already, but I still feel like an alien.
I think what I want from my art, more than anything, is a sense that "This is me and if you don't like it, tough." I am who I am, and I'll do what I do. And nothing can stop me except for myself, which will never happen. Because if I don't have art, I have no where else to turn to.

Ok, I get it.

Yeah, so my last two post were not very good, probably because I was looking it the wrong way. At do-over, the one thing that I remember most of all is that I told myself that I wouldn't hide who I really am. I really think that I was able to do somewhat of a good job at that. Socially, I began to put myself out more, although I know I still put myself down at times. But then again, it feels natural for me to do that. I also feel that I learned a lot about myself. I'm not as weak as i used to be. I'm trying harder at things.

I also learned a lot of things art wise. I've learned how to shape out my style in art and writing. I'm even starting to realize what is important to me. I feel as if I am actually able to hear my voice in my work. And I'm really proud of that.

I feel as if I have done well for myself ever since do-over. I've learned so much that is useful to me, and i know that I can apply it to my work and to my life. And from here on I really want to try harder at the things that I love, because I know that no matter what, I can do whatever I want if I try.

Amazing.

Well. Maybe I didn't do many amazing things that I can name. But I'm not sure what I can count as amazing. In my mind, I figure that my joni Mitchell project was somewhat of a feat. And Nanowrimo. But I'm still learning, so I've still got a lot to learn before I can do something that I can count amazing for myself.

I plan on working on a play in April, which is for ScriptFrenzy. I already know that I can and want to do this, and I hope that this will turn out to be something amazing for me. And I plan for it to be.

I really feel bad not being able to name of so many things like some other people, but I can't exactly lie to myself and say that I have done things that may be amazing to someone else and not myself. I wouldn't feel right. I don't feel that I could label my work as amazing at this point in my life.

Ever since do-over...

Well it's been a while since I've thought about that, and I can't help but realize that the only thing that I did was attempt to do National Novel Writing Month (and that really didn't go as planned...) I am still unsure of anything else that I have done, and I think that means that that was all I did.

Something Incredible.

After class today, it had me thinking. "What would be something that I could commit myself to?" I joined for three disciplines, singing, drawing and writing, and I am a bit unsure of what I could do. I've wanted to write a novel for a while, and I think I have come up with a story for one. I have also wanted to write a script based off of a song that I have heard. For art, I have no idea where I would want to go. Maybe writing a comic or something. And singing, I have no clue whatsoever. I am thinking that my best bet would be to write a novel, because it is something that I can do over time and I believe that it is something that I can achieve.

And the core values was another tough thing for me. To look that deep into myself and not know what I value the most, it's a bit scary. I may not know right away but I think in a few days I will be able to figure it out.

New Blurb

I'm really sorry about my last post. I realized how negative the post really was and I'm really thinking of just taking the post down all together. I wrote a new one and I'm really hoping that I tried to make it sound more positive. Many apologies.

The second trip to the city! I'm so glad I got to go. There were so many things that happened in this trip that I know wouldn't have happened if I was unable to go. From being able to navigate the city, the Jewish Museum and Fela!, I'm really happy.
I was a bit worried at first on the train to the city. My group last time took a while to decide on a place to eat, so I was worried that we would end up being late to the theater. I'm so glad we weren't.
The Jewsih Museum was amazing. Well... Not the museum itself, but the art was beautiful. Man Ray is now officially one of my favorite artists. His art amazed me in some ways that I didn't understand. It was great! When we left the museum, we were headed down fifth avenue. I felt really good about myself because I realized that if I have a map and know where I am, i can navigate the city without a problem.
But it didn't really matter anyway. My group decided to take the subways down to where we were headed, but we had some trouble. After a bunch of train hopping, we finally made our way down to Macy's, where Mairead bought her Shostegigi present. By then my feet were killing me, but it was worth it.
For dinner we went to Applebee's in Time Square. We took our time eating, which was a mistake. by the time we finished the meal and paid for the food, we only had around twenty minutes to make it to the theater. We literally ran nine blocks to the theater. We were almost seperated into to groups on the way, but we somehow managed to stay together. When we got to the theater, we realized that we were actually early.
Then Fela! The dancing and music made it feel as if you were actually at The Shrine. I loved almost all of it, although at times I was a bit confused.
I'm really lucky to have gone on this trip. I learned a lot from it and I know that these memories will stay with me forever.

STAC website blurb draft

So this is only a rough draft.


On our second trip to the city, I feel as if it wasn't as good as the first. My group this time was somewhat disorganized. I sadly did not get to see the shop windows nor did I get to see the tree at Rockefellar Center.It was a pretty good trip though. I loved how at the Jewish Museum, they kept calling secondary colors primary colors. It took so much for me to keep from laughing!
Since I'm used to walking everywhere I go, walking through the city was just like any other time I have walked anywhere. It didn't take much for me to navigate through the city streets. Everyone else thought otherwise though. So from then on we went subway hopping. It got so confusing after a while! There was one part that made my day. There was a man on one of the trains and he was obviously drunk. He was a nice guy and he was collecting money for the homeless. He serenaded a girl that was sitting beside him, but she just blew him off. If I had the chance, I would probably have given him some money, but I had to save the rest for dinner.
Fela! I had heard so many good things about this show, so I was expecting more from it. I was impressed by the dancing and music. I liked it so much I was dancing in my seat. But I felt as though it was not as good as we were told. The way they told the story, it was so confusing to me! All in all though, I really like it. I just wish it gave me more of a sense of story.
If there was one thing I could say about this trip it is that it was a bit dissapointing. All of the things I wanted it to be, seeing the shops, seeing the tree, and seeing Fela! wasn't what I expected. I really wish it could have been as good as I had imagined.

A pretty good way to start off the new year

I started the Writers One Hundred Theme challenge, and I began writing. Sure it's not the story I really want to be writing at the moment, but it's writing nonetheless. And I felt as if I really loved these characters I was writing about. I really want to write more about them and I think I will. The first theme was Beginnings, which is kind of obvious. Here it is....



What do you call a beginning? When life is an endless circle of birth, life, death, and rebirth, what is a beginning? Where do you start? Do you begin with yourself? A friend? Family? Who knows? I don't. And I do not believe anyone does. Just recently I have set off to find an answer to myself, but I do not believe it is the beginning to anything new, just part of an endless cycle.
It was noon on that day. The sun high in the sky, the waves crashing along the endless shoreline. It seemed like an eternity that I sat there waiting for her. I had caught two fish, a small one for her and a larger one for me. It was just a normal day. I guess...
I heard footsteps running in the sand towards me, so I bolted around, believing that it was her. “Miro!” A happy smile had danced it's way across my face like a stage, but immediately left as I saw who it was. It was not her. Not even a girl for that matter. It was a man, wearing a black tuxedo. His hair was the color of the sun, a blinding yellow, almost white. His face was stern but emotionless, that is until he smiled. It scared me. “Excuse me? I believe I've mistaken you for someone else. I'm very sorry.” I stood up and brushed the sand off of my raggedy pants.
The man walked towards me, his smile turning into a frown. He didn't speak a word. It was as if he didn't know how to.
“Um.... Is something wrong?”
The man grabbed me by the neck and lifted me off my feet. His hands were strong and cold against my neck, making it hard to breath.
“Wha--- what?” I stuggled to get away, but it seemed as if every time I had loosened his grip it became tighter. It felt as if my lungs were collapsing in on themselves, as if I were being held under water.
“Andrew, stop please.” A girl had appeared behind him. She wore a long silken pink dress that she had to hold up to keep out of the sand. Her long black hair was pulled into two braids and might as well had been dragging on the ground.
“M-Miro?” I was dropped to the ground, but it still felt as if I couldn't breath. I could feel bruises forming on my neck, That bastard.... I turned my head to Miro, who's short stature compared to the man made her seem doll-like. “What's going on? When did you have servants?”
She held a finger to my lips to keep me quiet. She smiled sadly. “This is not the time. I've come to say goodbye...”
I felt my face flush red. Goodbye? What does she mean by the that? “But Miro? You're going away? Where to? I'll go with you.” She can't leave now...... Not after all that has happened. Tears stung my eyes.
“I'm going to a place that you'd never believe. I'll probably never see you again. So this is goodbye.” She held her arms around me. She smelled like a rose and I knew it was because of the perfume I had given her for her birthday. It made her so happy, unlike now.
I pushed her away unable to hide my tears. “Can you at least tell me the name of the place you;re going to? Please!” I couldn't help but beg. I cried into her shoulder.
Her warm hands pushed themselves through my brown hair. Her dress was becoming wet with tears, but she didn't seem to care. She whispered into my hair. “Please, Caleb, save me!” She stood up and backed away. She smiled her normal, carefree smile. “We're going to Eternia! Please don't worry about me!”
Andrew place a hand on her shoulder. His light blue eyes stared at me menacingly, like a tiger. Her snapped his fingers and they started to fade like flour through a sift.
I was unable to do anything but sit on my knees in the sand. I stared into the empty space ahead of me. Eternia... The world from all of those fairytale my parents had told me when I was a child. It was almost to stupid to believe, but I've heard worse. Miro.....
I had nearly run all the way to my house, leaving everything I had at the beach there. I began to pack all of my things that I thought I would need for a journey, which wasn't much. I was so out of it, I couldn't even tell what I was packing after a while. Everything became a blur through teared eyes.
“Hey! Stop being a baby. What kind of man are you anyway?” It was a voice I had never heard before.
I turned around and saw a small girl standing in the entryway to my house. She leaned on the door, twirling a bit of her curly red hair in between her fingers. Her eyes were like a cat, clean and mischievous. She had a giant ax tied to her back, but she seemed to be carrying it with ease. It was strange.
“What's wrong with you? Why are you staring at me funny? What? Do you think I'm hot?” She smiled dangerously, fangs showing behind her lips. “Well too bad I'm taken.”
“No that's not it. I was just wondering why such a small girl has a giant ax.” I think I just made a mistake.
A small growl came from her throat. “I hope you know I can rip you to shreds at any moment, crybaby! So you better have more respect than that. And I'm not that short!” She tapped her foot angrily on the floor.
I have to say though, she wasn't that bad looking, but I shouldn't be thinking about this right now. I began packing my things again. “I can't talk right now. I'm busy.”
The girl made a hmph and walked inside the room. She took a seat at the dining room table and propped her feet on the table. She sat quietly while I worked, looking at me at every moment. “I hope you know that most humans can't make it too Eternia. The road there is too perilous. Most of them die. That's why we don't know much about it. But that Miro girl, it seems you'll do anything for her. Does that include dying?”
This girl was starting to get on my nerves! “Listen, I don't need someone like you lecturing me on my decisions! You act like you're so much older than me!” By now, I already had my hands on her shoulders. I could feel that even the hardest that I gripped her barely hurt her at all.
“Oh, you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm so much older than you could comprehend. And if you don't believe me, go! And of you don't return, I guess that I'll be right.” She smirked at me. Little bitch....
I walked away. She was right though.... What could I do? I'm just some weak boy with no powers whatsoever. I'm useless.
“Oh and by the way. My name is Ella. But you can call me El, because you don't seem like such a bad guy....” She was polishing her ax.
An idea popped into my head and without thinking it through, I brought it up. “El... Would you come with me to Eternia? I know it's a lot to ask with me just meeting you and all. But I can't do this alone...”
She looked at me like I was stupid. “What makes you think that I would go with you? Just so you can save your little girlfriend? And what would I get out of it?” She seemed very irritated by me.
“Well, all I have left is my parent's money. It isn't a lot, but it's something....”
“Is it worth me risking my life over it?” She stood up and walked over to me. She looked me straight in the eye. “Hmmm, well you are kinda cute. I don't think journeying with you would be too bad. Fine. It's settled. Just don't get in my way, got it?”
“As long as you stay out of mine.”
She smiled, this time it seemed almost genuine. “Alright. But I still want the money. Afterwards, if you're still alive.” She began to walk back to the chair.
“Just one minute. I have a question. Do you believe that there is a beginning to anything?”
She stared at me pondering the question. “Well I guess so. I mean, we just met, so that is sort of a beginning to something. Why do you ask?”
“No reason.”


It's not really much and I know it needs editing, but I still wanted to post it. It was really fun to write and it just seemed as if the words just flowed out of my hands. Oh I love it so much....

First memories of 2010

It's only 2 am and I already feel as if these memories could last me a lifetime. The loud screeching of my cousins, the feel of snow stinging my hands. It's all so real but it feels like it's just flying by. I really don't understand how time can feel different to people when we are all living in the same time. Like when you say something is flying by or going slow, how can a person different from you think something completely opposite. I know I have gone completely off topic but this has been bugging me for a long time. Maybe I'll never know the answer but it's just nice to get it out.

Anyway, Happy 2010!